WHAT CAN I DO?
Helping the Bereaved
Like everything connected with bereavement, the way
you can be of practical assistance varies according
to the person and their circumstances. Be careful
not to take away their power to make their own decisions.
That does not mean they have to do everything themselves.
The ideal situation, I believe, is for those closest
to the bereaved to conduct the orchestra of helpers.
Especially in the days around the death, funeral,
and committal, there are many many practical tasks
to be undertaken. Some are related directly to the
death and funeral arrangements, many others to seeing
that the ordinary tasks of life go on as normally
as possible, such as providing food, house maintenance,
caring for children and elderly people, even taking
the dog for a walk.
If there is a large extended family they usually
rally round, but not always. If the bereaved person
is elderly or living alone, there are many more ways
you can help. The loneliest time is after a few weeks,
when the fuss and excitement has died down. Even a
year later, after the first anniversary has passed,
it can be very lonely, as everyone expects the bereaved
person to be 'over it'. Re-engaging in life without
a loved one, especially a partner, is a very difficult
and lonely period. It is a time when most people could
use a little help from their friends.
While the bereaved person is numb with shock, especially
following a sudden death, they may need most things
done for them. But it is often good for them to start
taking some decisions as soon as this stage has passed.
Decision-making means decision-making, not necessarily
carrying out the task.
Some tasks too, are difficult for certain people,
for example, coping with tax for some or working the
washing machine for others. Practical advice and help
can be invaluable.
LISTENING
Listening to a bereaved person telling their story
is one of the ways you can be most helpful. If you
were also close to the person who died, this may be
difficult for you, but don't feel guilty about it.
Bereaved people need a number of listeners and supporters.
Give what time you can without exhausting yourself
to the point where you begin to need help.
Many people are 'natural' listeners, and some seem
to be 'natural' talkers. We can all learn to listen
well though. There are some skills you can develop
to help you listen better, and I will list them, and
give a few guidelines to make it a little easier.
However the most important skill is to be yourself.
Genuineness comes across, and most of us know instinctively,
in fact immediately, if someone is really interested
or pretending.
ATTENTION
Attention is a simple concept. If I am preoccupied
with my own problems whether it be a toothache, the
roast in the oven which is burning, a row I have just
had with my husband or wife, or my mother dying of
cancer, I cannot give all my attention to listening.
Part of it is being drawn to whatever my preoccupation
is. So just listen, for as long as your attention
can focus on your friend. You can help to make the
attention span longer, by talking to someone else
about your problem, or, if possible of course, solving
it in a practical way, if that is the type of problem.
Remember the hurtful things, which happened many years
ago, can also pull our attention away from listening.
QUIET
Many conversations are a competition between two
or more people for each other's attention. As soon
as one draws breath, the other comes in with their
own similar experience. While each is talking, the
others 'buttons are being pressed', and they are focusing
on how to talk about their own experience rather than
listening, giving attention to the person who is recounting
their story.
It is not easy to remain quiet and literally 'keep
your mouth shut'. Practice in any conversation you
are having, and you may be surprised how quickly you
will feel compelled to interrupt.
It is occasionally comforting to know that the person
you are talking to has been through a similar experience,
that they 'understand'. But this can be communicated
with a simple phrase like 'I know'. I've been through
it myself', or 'I remember that part so well', or
whatever. What they do not need to hear is the details
of your story. Trust me on that, the temptation can
be very strong. It is a difficult tightrope to walk,
between quiet and pretence.
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PRAYER
GROUP
The contemplative prayer group
will meet on Monday evening at 8.15pm in the
Parochial House. Newcomers very welcome. This
is an opportunity to experiment with a new form
of prayer, especially if you find that your
present methods are unsatisfactory.
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COLLECTION
We acknowledge last Sunday’s
collection of £1550.00 and also the Pope's Collection
which amounted to £710.00. Many thanks.
DEATHS
We offer our deepest sympathy to the family and friends
of:
Richard McGrath, Jefferson's Court.
Liam Kennedy, Glenview Park. May
they rest in peace.
ANNIVERSARIES
James Campbell, Lizzie Morris, Sean
McNamee, Cassie Duffy,
Rose Walsh, Stan O'Connor (Jnr), Tommy Hill, Margaret
Mary Moss,
Joe Harron, Annie Conaghan.
PRAY FOR PRIESTS
Last year the diocese published
a prayer card with the names of all the Derry diocesan
priests. Many of you have these cards and every day
a specific priest is named. This week we ask you to
pray for:
Fr. Jack Farrell, Retired, 22nd June.
Fr. Seamus Farrelly PP, Carndonagh, 23rd June.
Fr. John Farren PP, Isksheen, 24th June.
Fr. Neil Farren PP, Ardmore, 25th June.
Fr. Paul Farren, Catechetical Centre, 26th June.
Fr. Christopher Ferguson CC, Waterside, 27th June.
Fr. John P Forbes PP, Banagher, 28th June.
PARISH DRAW
The Draw for the month of June will
take place on Thursday 26th June at 2.30pm in the
parish office. We would ask all our promoters to bring
their returns to the parish office on Monday 23rd
June.
SPIRITUALITY COURSE
A one-year Practical Theology course, "Points
of Intersection" will be held in the Thornhill
Centre each Monday from 7.30pm - 9.30pm beginning
6th October 2008. This course is an opportunity to
search out who we are, who we are called to be and
how we relate to God and one another. For more details
please telephone 71351233.
EVERYBODY HURTS
If you're in distress or despair call a lifeline
free on 0808 808 8000. Calls to Lifeline are answered
by trained counsellors who can provide help and support.
Counsellors are experienced in dealing with suicide,
self-harm, abuse, trauma, depression, anxiety and
many other issues. Lines are open 24 hours a day,
7 days a week. Calls are free from all landlines and
mobiles. (Textphone 18001 0808 808 8000).
ST. VINCENT DE PAUL
STRABANE
& LECKPATRICK
SENIOR
CITIZENS ANNUAL OUTING
This year's St. Vincent de Paul annual summer outing
will be held on Wednesday 9th July 2008 going to Allingham
Hotel, Bundoran, buses leaving St. Patrick's Hall
at 12.30pm sharp with a four course evening meal served
at 5.00pm. Any senior citizen interested in going
should leave their name, address and telephone number
at Vincent's Shop, Barrack Street or telephone 02871384488
before 30th June at the latest. Tickets will be issued
from 4th July onwards for those who have given their
names.
LOUGH DERG ONE DAY RETREATS
August: 19, 20, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27,
31
September: 1, 2, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 13, 15, 16, 17, 20,
21, 22, 23, 24
Cost: 27 Euro includes boat fare and lunch.
If you would like to find out more information please
contact 071 9861518 (ROI) 028 68632391 (N.I.) or e-mail
info@loughderg.org
DERRY WELL WOMAN
Derry Well Woman in conjunction with the Chest Heart
& Stroke Association will offer Cholesterol Testing
on 25th June. Cost £5.00 pensioners and unemployed,
£7.00 full rate. For appointment contact Derry
Well woman at 028 71360777.
ST. PATRICK’S
HALL
Bingo and Lucky 4 Draw as usual this
Thursday.
All our patrons are very welcome.
Next Week's Lucky 4 Jackpot is £2175.00
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PAYMENTS
BY CHEQUE
The Bank have
reminded us that all payments made to the parish
by cheque (for Parish Savings, Parish Draw,
Sunday and Special Collections etc.) must be
made payable to Church of the Immaculate Conception. |
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NOTICES
FOR PARISH BULLETIN
In order to facilitate
printing we ask that all notices and anniversaries
for the parish bulletin are either given to
the sacristan or left at the parish office by
Wednesday morning at the latest.
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STRABANE
SIGERSONS GAA
The Clubs Senior
and Reserve teams will play Errigal Ciarán
Thirds in the O'Neill's Sportswear Tyrone Division
3 Leagues this Sunday 22nd June. Throw-in times
are fixed for 5.30pm & 7.00pm. All support
welcome. The Tyrone Grade 1 Juvenile League
will commence next Wednesday 25th June with
Strabane away to Carrickmore. Sigersons Senior
Ladies will play Galbally in the league on Thursday
26th June.
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PRAYER CORNER
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CANDLE PRAYER AT A TIME OF
NEED FOR ANOTHER
O Gracious God who knows all our
needs and who cares for us daily with such great love,
be with _______________,
who is in great need of your presence.
I light this candle of prayer
and dedicate it for his/her needs.
May your light surround him/her;
may your love be his/her support
and may your life flow through him/her.
I dedicate the actions, prayers and
duties of my day
for his/her needs at this special time.
FOR THE TIME OF NECESSARY
DECISION
The mind of time is hard to read.
We can never predict what it will bring,
Nor even from all that is already gone
Can we say what form it finally takes;
For time gathers its moments secretly.
Often we only know it's time to change
When a force has built inside the heart
That leaves us uneasy as we are.
Perhaps the work we do has lost its
soul
Or the love where we once belonged
Calls nothing alive in us any more.
We drift through this grey, increasing
nowhere
Until we stand before a threshold we know
We have to cross to come alive once more.
May we have the courage to take the
step
Into the unknown that beckons us;
Trust that a richer life awaits us there,
That we will lose nothing
But what has already died;
Feel the deeper knowing in us sure
Of all that is about to be born beyond
The pale frames where we stayed confined,
Not realising how such vacant endurance
Was bleaching our soul's desire.
RELIGION
In Belfast, Ireland, a Catholic priest, a Protestant
minister, and a Jewish rabbi were engaged in a heated
theological discussion. Suddenly an Angel appeared
in their midst and said to them, "God sends you
His blessings. Make one wish for Peace and your wish
will be fulfilled by the Almighty."
The minister said, "Let every Catholic disappear
from our lovely island. Then peace will reign supreme.''
The priest said, "Let there not be a single
Protestant left on our sacred Irish soil. That will
bring peace to this island."
"And what about you, Rabbi?" said the
Angel. "Do you have no wish of your own?"
"No,'' said the rabbi. "Just attend to
the wishes of these two gentlemen and I shall be well
pleased.''
Little boy: "Are you a Presbyterian?"
Little girl: "No. We belong to a
different abomination."
